Malaysia, Pt 3: Epilogue
It’s now been 2 weeks since I left. My thoughts are no less tangled.
There are some ironies to be had. Leaving, this time around, was harder than the last time – or even the first time. I was so sure, but now I’m not. What went right hurt more than what didn’t.
Was it a great trip? Yes. Did I accomplish everything I wanted to? I did. The difficulty is not in looking back; It’s in looking forward.
I was so certain that moving back to Malaysia would be the worst thing ever; Now, I’m not so certain. I suppose I was naive, and it was much easier to dismiss the prospect when I had been away for so long. Now, the pull has never been stronger.
Thinking on it and the way this story has unfolded, perhaps I needed to be away to find and know myself. Now that I have.. I suppose I must move on to the next great question: What do I want to do with my life? Where do I want to go?
I’ve always been content with going with the flow; If I get a job, great. If I receive work authorization, great. If I get to stay longer, great. Just leaving my fate up to luck and the government, a passenger on the river of destiny. I realize now that someday, and someday soon, I will have to be an active participant; I will have to decide once and for all my own destiny and where it will take me.
The positive outcome from this is that I’ve developed a greater sense of urgency – no matter which way the wind blows, I want to learn and experience everything I can before my (current) work authorization expiration date: February 2019. Why not, after all? I’m young and single, and with that comes the time and energy to tackle these bucket list items. The flip side to this is that I know, deep down, that I will never be able to truly fall in love until I know, for myself, what I want to do and where.
That goes for all of us, I suppose.
If life was a book, wouldn’t you just love to turn the pages to the final chapter and know how this story will turn out? Wouldn’t it be great if you could be at your destination, now? Enough of this slow, plodding, uncertain journey; Let’s get to the good parts.
Well, we can’t do that – because we haven’t written the next pages of our story yet.
The air is still in the darkness, silent and unmoving. I stand by the shore, yet the sea murmurs nothing. Is this a manifestation of my own desire to have this moment frozen in time? I lift my eyes skyward and gaze at the clouds, an ever-present blanket over my head in this part of the world. But no.. There! They have already parted, revealing a deeper blackness – the true night sky, and on that inky canvas: Two bright, twinkling stars. No strangers to the passage of time.